'Buoyancy Corridors' test: Wednesday only

​Tired of the long trek between the Arts & Sciences Building and the Workforce Development Center?

On Wednesday, April 1, Campus Operations is testing "Buoyancy Corridors."

Rob Kenney and the Campus Operations crew have been working in secret for months on this modification to the HVAC system. It will pump "Oxy-Helium-Lite" into hallways to reduce the effects of gravity by more than 41%. It's designed so people can move quickly as if "swimming on air."

"We noticed a few people looking tired as they moved about," Rob said. "With one good push off the doorframe, and by using the correct swim motion, faculty and staff can glide as if floating above the floor. Some people who are sincere enough about the process might even cruise close to the ceilings."

Rob noted that the swim-motion activates the oxy-helium molecules. Without that, you really won't notice a difference in gravitational forces, he said.

Ensure your safety with these tips:

• Weighted Footwear: Wear shoes weighing exactly 4.1 pounds to prevent floating into the ceiling.
• No-Flailing: Use the swim motion. Don't doggie paddle (We need to maintain professional decorum).
• Books/computers: Anything you carry should be looped though a belt or other harness.
• Carry safely: Don't bring loose glitter or open containers of soup into Bouyancy Corridors.

Any staff members still hovering near the ceiling at 4:01 p.m. will be gently retrieved using a pool skimmer.